It needs to be said. For me. For you. Even if the people who deserve these words never read them. I am sorry. For the last few years. For the phone calls or message that were not returned. For the words that went unspoken. For the words that were harsher than intended. For being self-absorbed. For not being there. For not being Jess.
To myself: It is okay that life has been hard. Things are not always rainbows and puppies. But they are also not darkness and doom. You are loved. By your parents. Your siblings. Their children. Your husband. Your best friend. Your daughter. Everything will be okay. Everything is okay. Some days are even better. Some are not. And that, in itself, is okay.
To my daughter: You are beautiful. And fierce. And amazing. And lovey. And I love being your Mom! I love your smile. Your giggle. Sometimes life is busy. Sometimes Mommy is tired. And that is not your fault. I promise to try harder. To hug you longer. To play. Even after work. Even when I’m tired. Because you are wanted. And needed. And loved.
To my husband: I could not do this without you. You wouldn’t want me to apologize. But I must say it. I am sorry. I lost myself. And I blamed you. And me. And the whole world. I promise this. I will find my way back. A little at a time. Every day. It is happening now. And just as you always have. You are helping me do that. Thank you. I love you more.
To my best friend: The fiercest lady I know. What is there to say? I don’t know what I would do. Without you in my life. You get me. Without limits. Without expectations. I am here for you. I get you. You are, of course, fierce. In love. In work. In motherhood. But also kind. And generous. And thoughtful. We are in this together. We got this. Also. Where. Is. My. Phone.
To you: I will try. To be better. To return those phone calls. To be there. This has been hard. And that isn’t your fault. It isn’t my fault. It is life. Things change. Constantly. I tried to stay ahead of it. I will continue to try. To work. On loving fiercely. To be the best mother. Best wife. Best daughter. Best sister. Best friend. That I can possibly be. Even more than that. I will strive. To be the Jess that you all deserve. And that I deserve. Because I am loved. And wanted. And needed. And so are you!
Until next time, be kind and have a great day!